Forgiveness, Toxicity, and the Space Between

Brad Dame, Wesley Leadership Team

One of our most important pillars in Christianity is to forgive others as God forgave us, to summarize Colossians 3:13.

So important, in fact, that in order for God to forgive our sins we must also forgive anything we have against anyone (Mark 11:25). Our entire faith is based on the acceptance that we are human and therefore imperfect and need God’s grace and forgiveness in order to separate ourselves from our imperfections until we are eventually completely free.

So, it is vital that we understand forgiveness and what it truly means for us as Christians.

Something I hear a lot in sermons about forgiveness is that forgiveness is “for you, not for them”, the point being that holding a grudge is ultimately more harmful to the wronged than the wrongdoer, and forgiving and letting go is the way to be free of the emotional power the wrongdoer has. I agree with this.

However, I still believe there is a fundamental misunderstanding of what forgiveness entails after the fact.

We are not God; we do not have the ability to wash away sins, plain and simple. That is the difference between our forgiveness and His. This is precisely why we hear forgiveness is, again, “for you, not for them”. This is important because it is in opposition to what is at times expected of the Christian community. That we should be unconditionally, absolutely, totally forgiving.

But there is a line, isn’t there? There is no question that toxicity is present in people. Generally, I prefer to see the good in people. Life is hard and unfair and emotions are difficult to sort out and I do my best to be an encourager.

But there is a line, isn’t there?

People will take from you, tear you down, suck you dry, leave you for dead. Learn to know what that looks like. Forgiveness is shedding the power someone has over you. Sometimes that means shedding the person themselves.

Do not be afraid to trim the fat.

They are not your responsibility.

Thank you.


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